Local Man Can't Wait to Celebrate Christ's Birth By Getting Sloshed

BABBLERS PRESS - With Halloween safely out of the way many North Americans are now looking forward to celebrating the birth of Christ by indulging themselves in several days of uninhibited gluttony and drunkenness. 

One local reveller admitted that he sometimes attends church intoxicated on Christmas Eve but says he sees "nothing wrong with it."

"I like to think of Jesus as a party animal," said the man. "I can't imagine that he would have a problem with anyone getting tipsy on the eve of His birthday. I mean, it's a celebration right? I believe Jesus is just happy that I'm there, inside the building. The fact that I'm almost passed out in the back pew from drinking too much Scotch is a mute point really. I'm there. What else matters?" 

When asked if there was a biblical basis for his views of Jesus the man said he doesn't actually read the bible and doesn't really see the need for a biblical basis for anything. "What's right for you may not be right for me, it's all relative," said the man. "So I don't see what the bible has to do with Jesus, or Christmas, or with anything else in life for that matter." 

"True, it makes a decorative touch to the living room coffee table but other than that I don't see its relevance to our daily lives." 
Nevertheless, the man said he will continue to attend church on Christmas and Easter "just in case there is actually something to this God thing."  ​