"What does this babbler want to say?" - Acts 17:18
"What does this babbler want to say?" - Acts 17:18
BABBLERS PRESS - When a local Engineering Firm decided to apply the principles of relativism to their work of designing and building bridges and buildings it seemed like a good idea at the time. They even adopted a new company slogan which said, "What's true for you may not be true for me."
The result was that nobody's calculations could be labelled as wrong. As one engineer explained, "we would check each other's calculations and many times they didn't match. Mistakes were often found, but we weren't allowed to make corrections because doing so would imply that somebody was wrong. Everybody had to be right."
Essentially, the company's policy blurred the distinction between right and wrong and made it virtually impossible to build anything worthwhile. When buildings and bridges designed by the company started collapsing all over the city management decided that a new policy was needed.
They plan to implement the new policy as soon as they have settled the millions of dollars worth of lawsuits that have been slapped against them.
BABBLERS PRESS - One local worker believes his boss has the personality profile and inner disposition to make him the perfect candidate for the biblical Antichrist.
"He's just a big bully," said the man who attends First Church of the Apocalyptic Apostles. "He's arrogant and a slave-driver, like Pharaoh of old. He makes us work hard, really hard, just like Pharaoh did to the ancient Israelites."
The man also said his boss lives in the Northern part of the city and the bible says the Antichrist will come from the North. Not only that but his bosses' office is on the top floor of the building where he works, which he feels could also meet the criteria of a man descending from the Northern regions.
"He has the look of it," added the man, who now considers himself a disgruntled worker. "I don't know how much longer I can work under his totalitarian regime."
The man admitted that he spends most of his free time watching the news and apocalyptic preachers on Youtube, and that he doesn't spend much time studying the bible for himself. He is currently looking for a new job, preferably with a Christians organization where everybody believes and behaves exactly like himself.
BABBLER PRESS - One local Christian who decided to stop giving and to focus more on himself during the 40 days of lent is battling guilt and depression now that it's over.
The man admitted the lent of 2017 was one of the most wild times of his entire religious life. "I did pretty much whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate like a pig and drank like a fish and spent most of my pay-checks on myself. And now it's all over," said the man while choking back tears. The man admitted that his marriage almost ended in divorce, he came close to getting arrested, his kids now hate his guts and he may have lost a couple of life-long friends.
"I really went nuts there for a while," he said. "I almost lost everything dear to me, including my relationship with God but it felt really good at the time. Now I just feel guilty and depressed. But I can't wait till next year."
BABBLERS PRESS - It had been a busy week for one local pastor. A couple of members got really sick and ended up in hospital. One of the older ones actually died, necessitating a funeral. There was also a board meeting, a wedding, a counselling session and a few "social visits". By the time Saturday night rolled around the Pastor was completely exhausted.
The thought of having to prepare a sermon for the Sunday morning service was more than he could bear. It was approaching 8:00 p.m. and he still hadn't cracked a commentary or broached a sermon book. To make matters worse the hockey game was about to start, the fridge was full of cold Pepsi and the cupboard full of Chips.
"I felt like I was pulled in two directions," the pastor explained. "I knew I had to have something to say for Sunday but I needed some downtime, just me and the couch and the TV remote." Just then the Pastor heard what he now describes as "the still small voice of God."
"Why don't you just wing it?" the voice reportedly said. The Pastor knew right away it was the voice of God because it was exactly what he wanted to hear. He had considered wingin it before but could never muster the courage. However, this time was different.
He stood behind the sacred desk on Sunday morning and preached without a single note in front of him, using the Saturday night hockey game as an extended illustration. The Pastor said he also felt led to become more animated and loud in his presentation of the gospel but insists his onstage antics were not an attempt to mask his lack of preparation.
"What can I say, I have a gift, a spiritual gift" said the Pastor. Several local parishioners said they could feel "a different anointing" during the pastor's message.
"I can't remember a thing he said about God or the Bible but I feel more enlightened sportswise," one local member admitted. "And he preached with a lot of energy and passion. Isn't that what really matters?"
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